i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
