we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
