I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
