My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
