Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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