the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Let's get the cat blown out
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
