Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
