Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I have aggressive nipples.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
