So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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