would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
