I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
