Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he fucked my hip out of place.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
this is an emotional support booty call
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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