Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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