I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
