her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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