Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize