hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
