So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My dick has a subreddit
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
