New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Mom said you looked used
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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