Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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