My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Well I just put wine in my tea
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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