Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize