so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We left the knife in your bed.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
