just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
