So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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