Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
