I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
