his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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