If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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