so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
