this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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