I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
