if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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