I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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