dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
