Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
There are leaves in my underwear?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
