Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
