he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
