He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she smelled like a LAN party
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
