Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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