There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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