you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
