I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
