i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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