So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
