I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize