Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
