All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
That reminds me...we need to get swords
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
