Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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