paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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