My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
