i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
