I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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