You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize