You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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