It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
