He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
