The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
