So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize