she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
