and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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