just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
