I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
