I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
