I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
