if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
