Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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