You can't motorboat a personality
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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