She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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