someone get that fucking seahorse.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
