Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
