I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
