Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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