sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
