atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
