just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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