No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think a kid would responsible me up
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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