I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
