he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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