The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
