found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
