It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
