You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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