Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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