he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
