Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
