You're my little dorito
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
