how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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