So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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