He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
