Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
