i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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