i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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